Season: 2012

“Stepping Up to the Plate We Are All On”

Posted on Oct 1st, 2012 in FAIR: Fellowships & More

March 8, 2012 | Author: Kaylyn Kilkuskie

I often forget what my brain is like on design, though with certain constraints I find my work turns into more of a costume coordination sort of situation, which I find is neither good nor bad. Like everything else it is an experience. I think it is easier for people to understand that when a production comes up that the directors and actors and maybe even the writers have thrown a bit of themselves into the work, in fact it feels inevitable, but it is harder to make such an assumption about designers. As I have never designed a set or sound for a production I cannot say if the sensation exists for those parties, or at least whether or not it is a noticeable sensation for them, but I have felt it when it comes to lights and it sort of becomes its own part of the challenge when I am working on the design aspect of costumes.

We talked about fears once in a FAIR meeting. I always have a slight anxiety about projects that people could link to me. We have the gift and fault of seeing the flaws in our work, though sometimes unfortunately above all else. I am mentally duking it out right now and with this blog I hope I can silence the claws of doubt (White Snake, anybody?) long enough to make the steps forward. May this project reflect on me and all the other names in the program positively. I want to want my name on this.

With a quick process I need to just let myself go and get my hands dirty, I get stuck on some vision of doing it perfectly knowing fully that no project walks away with 100% satisfaction. It’s a carrot on a stick situation and that can be enough to keep you motivated to keep trying. There will always be another carrot. Being a little petrified of having a failed result, I find it is completely unhelpful. I feel that the faster I abandon my mental focus on perfection I will be closer to it in the result.

The quote reads: “The world is strong, but the feeling of believing in yourself is much stronger.”
-Tanaka Marks from an add at Narita Airport 2008

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